Today I had the realization that I'm sure several young professional woman over the past few decades have had: I am not a desirable mate. Not me personally (of course, I am single so it could be on a person level for all I know), but as a whole. Men, typically, do not desire the strong, independent, ambitious type. I'm sure you're thinking: Duh, Haley, how did you not know this? Granted, I did know this, I just didn't realize it applied to me… until today that is.
This grand realization came about while I was visiting my local coffee establishment at which I am a regular. As I was finishing up work, one of the girls informed me a guy who works there had a huge crush on me last fall, but was too afraid to ask me out because I was "intimidating." Now, I can honestly say I wouldn't have gone on a date with him simply because I work for a publishing company and he is older than I am and works for Starbucks (think what you will, but I'm being honest here). Even though I knew I would never have gone on a date with him, I was still offended/surprised at this comment. Me? Intimidating? I am sweet. I smile. I make great small talk. I say please and thank you. I make jokes at my own expense. How could I possibly be intimidating? And then I realized: it was my job. It was the fact that I am a recent college graduate and working in an incredibly competitive industry. I live on my own, I buy my own things, pay the bills, and work my ass off. I strive to be the best. I work at least 60 hours a week. The only reason why this guy at Starbucks knows me at all is because I go there to work at least 10 hours of the week. And this leads me to my next question: isn't that when men want? Someone who is self-sufficient. Who isn't chick-batty?
This prompted me to think back to when I was little and my dad would tell me over and over the importance of relying on myself and not needing a man to support me. That I could be whatever I wanted. That men really wanted a woman who could take care of herself. So, I became/ am becoming that woman. I don't want to get married because I can't function without said man, I want to get married so I can share my life with said man.
As I sit here tonight, I toy with the idea that my father might have been wrong--that ultimately, most men don't want an ambitious, independent woman. But the more I think about, the more I don't care. I am what I am, and I'm proud of it. I've also come to realize that probably 75% of my conversations with friends is about wanting/needing/having a significant other, which, is fine… I suppose, but from now on I'm tapping out of that conversation. Would it be nice? Of course. Is there any point in talking about it constantly, over analyzing, and trying new tricks to catch a man?--for me, not anymore. Do I feel like I'm signing up to become Liz Lemon from 30 Rock? Kind of… but it'll all work out in the end, I think.
So, here's to all the successful, independent women out there. I salute you, and count myself fortunate to be in your league.
I think some men do like the strong women, and that you should wait for one of them to come around. Look at Oprah and Steadman (sp?) hahaha.
ReplyDeleteDon't consider yourself intimidating but lucky and fortunate that you are so amazing!