"It's funny how the more we know the less we seem to really understand..."

Today in my nonfiction reading class we had a discussion about Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience," and I was faced with a horrifying realization: knowledge has 1) made me so much more confused about issues I had once considered myself solid on and 2) I am completely and utterly annoyed by idealism.

One issue at a time:

This isn't the first time I've thought about how much knowledge complicates things. The first time I ever heard the song my post title comes from (Cold Side of the Pillow by Halfpenny Marvel) I thought long and hard about this issue. All-in-all, I'm glad I've gone to college and I'm glad I think about things so thoroughly. It's made me a better person all around, but at the same time, I am beginning to realize that I can't inform myself about every issue in the world to make the "best decision." Sometimes you just have to go with your gut on an issue, even though this is an incredibly unacceptable reason for a belief or a stance these days. So here I sit thinking about life constantly, and gaining no ground whatsoever....

For the second issue, I didn't realize how knowledge destroys idealism until this morning. I usually don't think in an idealistic way, but I wouldn't call myself a pessimistic person either. I've seen the worst in life but I still have this hope that everything will turn out well--that every thing happens to make you a better person. While many people make this statement with naivety, I make this statement out of optimism. So then I started pondering the difference between naivety, pessimism, and optimism, and this is what I've come up with (this obviously only applies to me, but I'm hopeful other people feel the same): we come into the world blissfully naive until that is destroyed by knowledge or experience, then we become pessimistic as a result of knowledge and some of us may never overcome this phase, but once you are able to push through that pessimism, you can chose to be optimistic. So that's what I'm trying to achieve: choosing to be optimistic in the face of tragedy, loss, poverty, and uncertainty.

I clearly think way too much.